Things I can't say

How am I suppose to get over you & let you go when people keep telling me they knew you were leaving? Why didn’t you tell me!? Why didn’t you say good bye to me? Cause you didn’t know. I hate people. I hate them. I miss my mom. I wish I could change this. 

Why do people say they care when they don’t?! I hate when my kids get pushed to the dumpster. Maybe it’s the mom in me getting defensive but I think my kids deserve some love from family, I have been here a year & my kids had way more love & comfort from outside family members back in California. They hardly see anyone here where I am now. I just wanna go home & put my kids back into the healthy lifestyle they had, but it isn’t that easy. For now I have to just grit my teeth & let them ignore my kids & then pretend to be a ‘Family’ when we do see each other. I just feel very lied to. I don’t like being lied to. 

The one thing I like about being here is nobody knows me. Nobody knows what I have done or who I really am. I do miss home though. If I go back home I have to face everything I left behind. I could just stay here & never have to face it again, never have to get past that. It sounds so easy. I miss home though. I just don’t miss the people & the rumors. I have memories there growing up there, here I am just a stranger. It’s a weird feeling. I’ve been here a year now & I still haven’t got my spot. I don’t feel like I belong. I miss my friends, girl talk…instead I chit chat with my dog & just browse online. wahwahwah